Finding a group that works for you involves more than just finding fellow nerds who love to roll dice and play pretend. Once you've gone to the effort of finding a group, you then need to find out if it's a group that you can enjoy spending time with.
Don't base your decision to join a group exclusively on their game choice. All role-playing games can be taken in any direction that the group desires. What the publisher intends does flavor the game, but this expectation ends once a group rolls up their characters. If a group really wants to, they can run a hack and slash monster of the week Vampire: the Masquerade game. They could also run a politics heavy Dungeons and Dragons game that's more dependent on the player's interaction than dice.
Don't base your decision to join a group exclusively on them being your friends outside of game. When looking at joining a gaming group, you may want to sit in on a session or two. You may find your style conflicts with the group's. You may also find that the group's play style doesn't necessarily conflict with yours, but may overwhelm yours. Nobody should ever lose their friends over a game.
If you enjoy a good bawdy tale of sex, drugs and rock-n-roll and the rest of the group blushes at the word "crap," it may not be the group for you. When you are disastrously socially awkward and the rest of the game enjoys confrontational party role-play, it will just be stressful for you. You will find yourself sidelined if you prefer subtle, almost internal role-play, and the rest of the group tends towards the loud, active, expression of character. Should the rest of the group enjoy involved (to the point of taking time outside of game) intellectual exercises and you want nothing more than a beer and pretzels adventure, you will find nothing but frustration.
No group will ever be a perfect fit and nobody will have fun at all times. There are always compromises in a group dynamic. Everyone will have some give and take. The key is to not be selfish. The entire group cannot be expected to completely change to fit the needs of one player.
what should one do if no one that shares your interests likes you or wants to include you?
ReplyDeleteHonestly, analyze why they dislike you. As bad as it sounds, when someone always has the same problems with every group... the problem isn't the group. Don't change what is intrinsically you, but work on the unpleasant things that others dislike. I've had to do this, myself. I'm nowhere near as blunt or rude as I used to be.
ReplyDeletewhat if all those groups don't want to acknowledge that you've grown up and matured? how do you get them to give you the chance to show you've changed?
ReplyDeleteYou may have to just show up to public gaming events. LARPs are almost always open to the public. Most game stores and many libraries anymore have public gaming events. Play at a few of these. You may prove to your previous groups your new maturity.
ReplyDeleteOr, even better, you may find brand new groups who don't have the old pre-conceptions. The best way to prove to your previous groups your maturity is to stop seeking their acceptance or approval. Prove that you no longer need them.