I'm still fussing with this one a tad, but here's my first solo full length song.
"Dear Mr. Chancellor"
Parody Lyrics: Erin Ruston
Original Music and Lyrics: Pink, Billy Mann (Dear Mr. President)
Dear Mr. Chancellor,
Come have a chat with me.
Let's assume we're just two beings and
I'm not younger than thee.
I'd like to ask you some questions if we can speak honestly.
What do you feel when you see all the troopers on the march?
Who do you care for that has been killed in this war?
What do you think as you look out the window?
Are you pleased?
Why do you smile when the Jedi all die?
Why do you scheme while worlds are destroyed and war intensifies?
Why do you ignore people's outcry?
How can you look me in the eye
And tell me lies?
Dear Mr. Chancellor,
Were you a needy boy?
Are you a needy boy?
Are you a needy boy?
How can you claim
That you mean well and are kind?
Some suspect where you're aligned.
You make them all disappear
And take control using fear.
What kind of leader marches his own people into hell?
And what kind of leader might crush his own people if they rebel?
If only the Council were able to foretell
And they were not blinded by your clever spell.
Why do you smile when the Jedi all die?
Why do you scheme while worlds are destroyed and war intensifies?
Why do you ignore people's outcry?
How can you look me in the eye?
Please don't tell me 'bout dark side
It's raging anger and it's roiling power
Please don't tell me 'bout dark side
You're pledges and temptations will not make me cower
Please don't tell me 'bout dark side
Killing all the Younglings in the tower
Please don't tell me 'bout dark side
Dark side
Dark side
I don't wanna know 'bout dark side
Dark side
Dark Side
Oh
Why do you smile and lie?
Why do you ignore people's outcry?
Dear Mr. Chancellor,
You just want to kill us all,
Don't you?
Notes: This song is from the perspective of a very insightful Jedi Padawan.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Star Fart Song (I'm a Little Star Fart)
Lyrics: Erin Ruston
Music: Teapot Song (I'm a Little Teapot)
I'm a little star fart,
Long and swell,
Here are my ions (wave one hand behind butt),
Here is my smell (wave the other hand in front of your nose),
When I get all cooped up,
See me fell,
Tips you over and makes you yell! (wave both arms about and make grossed out face)
Story behind the song. At the U.F.O. housefilk on 02/25/2011 we were particularly silly and decided that comets were star farts. Julia West sung the one line, "I'm a Little Star Fart" and it stuck in my head. Here's the result. Enjoy or mock, whichever makes you happier.
Music: Teapot Song (I'm a Little Teapot)
I'm a little star fart,
Long and swell,
Here are my ions (wave one hand behind butt),
Here is my smell (wave the other hand in front of your nose),
When I get all cooped up,
See me fell,
Tips you over and makes you yell! (wave both arms about and make grossed out face)
Story behind the song. At the U.F.O. housefilk on 02/25/2011 we were particularly silly and decided that comets were star farts. Julia West sung the one line, "I'm a Little Star Fart" and it stuck in my head. Here's the result. Enjoy or mock, whichever makes you happier.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Table Top RPGs or LARP... and the Creeping Advance of Technology
Something that I’ve noticed more with each year is the pervasiveness of electronics in our gaming lives. Initially it was just calculators at the table for those games that actually involved equations.
Next it was tools for the Game Master, like mapping software and NPC generators. This technology didn’t actually end up at the table, just its product. Gradually as dice rollers and character creators became more advanced, players and GMs began bringing PDAs or laptops to games. We are now in the age where e-readers, tablets and netbooks almost outnumber the players in games. As much as I like my laptop, I am discovering that gaming groups and LARP troupes are being damaged by the prevalence of technology.
Yes, it’s wonderful to have PDFs of every book related to your game ever published. Yes, it’s handy to be able to just zoom onto the internet to find that specific piece of data that you want at that exact moment. Unfortunately, this also means that players don’t truly learn and retain their game’s mechanics or setting. Why remember something when you can just look it up? When you don’t bother to learn something for yourself and just “look it up,” you don’t get as much out of it. Your experience of the subject matter is much more superficial.
Electronics are also horrible distraction. You are not successfully multi-tasking. Several studies have been published concerning so-called high efficiency multi-taskers. It actually takes them longer to accomplish all of their tasks together than it does for them to do them one at a time. Instead of paying attention to other peoples’ actions while waiting for your turn, you find Facebook or your email to be summoning you for “a quick peek.” When your turn comes around, you have to ask for a recap or even have to be prodded into taking your turn. This wastes everyone else’s time and frustrates your fellow players.
Lastly, they tend to distance the participants from one another. You find yourself looking at the screens rather than one another. What used to be a social event has turned into a slightly over glorified MMO. Everyone rolls their dice at the appropriate moment and mechanically takes their actions, but there is very little interaction or actual role-playing. The game has ceased to be a shared world experience has turned into a series of tasks to be completed.
The GM, ideally, should be the only one at the table or LARP with an electronic aide. Even his or hers should only ever be used to look up a book or material directly related to the game. If you find your GM to be spending more time staring at their screen than interacting with the players, perhaps it’s time for a new GM.
The single biggest argument against banning electronics is the argument about book costs. Our games are made by companies who spend their time producing creative, niche products for a niche audience. They don’t have the reduced production costs of something like a Harry Potter novel. They charge what they do, just to keep the doors open. If you want more gaming books, buy the ones you use. If you can’t afford all of the books yourself, perhaps your gaming group can look at building up a group library. Each person in the group buys a few books.
A group library also means that no one person is dragging a huge pile of books to game. Everyone brings a small handful and shares at the table. You can use your PDFs between games for character updates and ideas, printing out the pertinent details to bring to game for your own use. To avoid dragging my entire VtM library to games, I’ve printed an important page or two before.
I have also heard the time constraint complaint. People claiming that they don’t have the time to read or mess with their characters between games. That’s complete bologna. Gaming is an interactive hobby. Like any interactive hobby it does require effort between games. Softball player practice their skills between games. RC pilots work on their planes between flights. Reading up on where your character comes from or rules applicable to your character doesn’t require a huge amount of time. It’s not like you are being asked to be an obsessive setting or rules guru, just competent. If you aren’t willing to spend a little time on your hobby outside of the actual “events,” maybe it isn’t something you are really all that interested in.
This is not an attack on other gamers. I have done and said all of the above negative things. From this day forward, I resolve to leave my laptop at home or in another room when I am attending a Table Top RPG or LARP. I will use books and paper character sheets at games. I will learn and retain the rules and settings for myself, rather than just looking them up. I will immerse myself in my characters at games and role-play my heart out. I will enjoy the game and the time with my friends.
I ask you all to do the same.
Next it was tools for the Game Master, like mapping software and NPC generators. This technology didn’t actually end up at the table, just its product. Gradually as dice rollers and character creators became more advanced, players and GMs began bringing PDAs or laptops to games. We are now in the age where e-readers, tablets and netbooks almost outnumber the players in games. As much as I like my laptop, I am discovering that gaming groups and LARP troupes are being damaged by the prevalence of technology.
Yes, it’s wonderful to have PDFs of every book related to your game ever published. Yes, it’s handy to be able to just zoom onto the internet to find that specific piece of data that you want at that exact moment. Unfortunately, this also means that players don’t truly learn and retain their game’s mechanics or setting. Why remember something when you can just look it up? When you don’t bother to learn something for yourself and just “look it up,” you don’t get as much out of it. Your experience of the subject matter is much more superficial.
Electronics are also horrible distraction. You are not successfully multi-tasking. Several studies have been published concerning so-called high efficiency multi-taskers. It actually takes them longer to accomplish all of their tasks together than it does for them to do them one at a time. Instead of paying attention to other peoples’ actions while waiting for your turn, you find Facebook or your email to be summoning you for “a quick peek.” When your turn comes around, you have to ask for a recap or even have to be prodded into taking your turn. This wastes everyone else’s time and frustrates your fellow players.
Lastly, they tend to distance the participants from one another. You find yourself looking at the screens rather than one another. What used to be a social event has turned into a slightly over glorified MMO. Everyone rolls their dice at the appropriate moment and mechanically takes their actions, but there is very little interaction or actual role-playing. The game has ceased to be a shared world experience has turned into a series of tasks to be completed.
The GM, ideally, should be the only one at the table or LARP with an electronic aide. Even his or hers should only ever be used to look up a book or material directly related to the game. If you find your GM to be spending more time staring at their screen than interacting with the players, perhaps it’s time for a new GM.
The single biggest argument against banning electronics is the argument about book costs. Our games are made by companies who spend their time producing creative, niche products for a niche audience. They don’t have the reduced production costs of something like a Harry Potter novel. They charge what they do, just to keep the doors open. If you want more gaming books, buy the ones you use. If you can’t afford all of the books yourself, perhaps your gaming group can look at building up a group library. Each person in the group buys a few books.
A group library also means that no one person is dragging a huge pile of books to game. Everyone brings a small handful and shares at the table. You can use your PDFs between games for character updates and ideas, printing out the pertinent details to bring to game for your own use. To avoid dragging my entire VtM library to games, I’ve printed an important page or two before.
I have also heard the time constraint complaint. People claiming that they don’t have the time to read or mess with their characters between games. That’s complete bologna. Gaming is an interactive hobby. Like any interactive hobby it does require effort between games. Softball player practice their skills between games. RC pilots work on their planes between flights. Reading up on where your character comes from or rules applicable to your character doesn’t require a huge amount of time. It’s not like you are being asked to be an obsessive setting or rules guru, just competent. If you aren’t willing to spend a little time on your hobby outside of the actual “events,” maybe it isn’t something you are really all that interested in.
This is not an attack on other gamers. I have done and said all of the above negative things. From this day forward, I resolve to leave my laptop at home or in another room when I am attending a Table Top RPG or LARP. I will use books and paper character sheets at games. I will learn and retain the rules and settings for myself, rather than just looking them up. I will immerse myself in my characters at games and role-play my heart out. I will enjoy the game and the time with my friends.
I ask you all to do the same.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Road Trips to Conventions in a Group
This is about basic courtesy and etiquette when on a mass road trip to any geek event. I’ve been road tripping with geeks for 20 years now and hope that I have enough experience to be considered knowledgeable on the subject. The advice is universally applicable to all fandoms.
1. Pre-trip plans and the ugly issue of money.
Don’t plan trips you can’t afford. Yes, it sucks to watch your friends do fun things and be stuck at home with nothing but the soft glow of the computer monitor for company. I’ve been there, I know. Unfortunately, unless we want to be homeless, starve or live in squalor, we have to be responsible adults. If you are seriously debating between paying a bill and going to the convention, pay the damn bill. There will always be another convention.
Don’t commit to a convention that you are real iffy about being able to attend, only to drop out of the trip at the last minute. You should know at least one month in advance if you can go on the trip. If you commit to a trip, your friends will be budgeting based on you paying your share of fuel and lodgings. Dropping out closer to the trip than one month out is inconsiderate of your friends and their need to budget. Sometimes, all it takes is one last minute drop out to make the trip impossible for the entire group. Instead of committing to the iffy trip, hoard the money for a later convention.
This one shouldn’t even have to be said, but here it is. If your friends have been kind enough to help with your finances on the trip, don’t abuse it. Don’t use the slack to overspend your own money and then ask your friends to help beyond what they committed to before the trip. When they are covering your meals, don’t order anything more expensive than what they order for themselves. This is not the time to go for the surf-n-turf. A burger is just as filling.
2. Packing the vehicle.
Don’t pack enough for a major wilderness expedition. You are not leaving known civilization. You are going to a convention, in a hotel, with restaurants and convenience stores nearby. Most trips have a travel leader or coordinator. This individual will look at available space in the vehicle and determine how much luggage each person is allowed. Stick to this amount of stuff and don’t try to wheedle more space. Munchies DO count against your allotted space. If you need a special item for the trip, look at dropping the unnecessary stuff to make room for it. Nobody needs more costumes than days of the trip or enough munchies to feed twice the number of people in the vehicle. If too much is packed, there are things crammed in all crannies and even under foot. This makes everyone in the vehicle uncomfortable.
Don’t pack a lot of open containers and loose items. This does nothing but create chaos and a mess. Nobody wants your crumbs or leaky drink sitting on their electronics or guitar. Make sure all of your drinks and munchies seal tight and are in bags that zip, snap or Velcro closed. Keeping your munchies contained will help you to find the things you want later. If you have a half eaten package of cookies or bag of chips and want to bring it, put them in a Ziploc bag. This will keep them from becoming a mess inside their bag. Any munchies or drinks taken on the trip should have minimal odor. What may smell great to you may be nauseating to your companions.
If you have a small item (book, e-reader, notepad, iPod, knitting, etc.) that you intend on using while on the road, keep it with you. Your heavier luggage will always be packed at the bottom of the pile and forcing a complete re-pack of all of the luggage mid-trip is rude. Don’t insist on your things being on top. The vehicle owner and travel leader/coordinator will pack the luggage into the vehicle for most efficient usage of space, not ease of access to packed things.
Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene… Make sure you, your luggage and your clothing is clean. You will be in very close proximity for a very log time. If you smoke, air out and fabreeze everything you bring. Not everyone wants to smell your habit and they don’t want their things to smell like your habit. If you have pets, use a lint roller on everything you bring. Some people are allergic enough to your beloved family member to react even to the fuzz on your luggage. Shower regularly and please for the love of all that is holy, don’t wear the same stinky costume for the entire trip. Its awesomeness is greatly reduced by its odiferousness.
Last but not least, the only baggage that should come on a trip is the luggage. Leave your foul moods and drama at home. If you find yourself unexpectedly in a foul mood, behave. Don’t snap at your friends or be passive aggressive with them. You don’t have to be all smiles, but be polite and keep your drama to yourself.
3. On the road.
The travel leader/coordinator should set a specific rendezvous time for leaving. Be on time! I can’t stress this more. Don’t force your friends to cat herd. Travel times are very important. Leaving on time can make a huge difference in the total amount of time on the road. It can make the difference between whether you hit rush hour or you don’t.
While on the road, gas and pee stops should not become expeditions. Every truck stop has a variety of the same chochkies with the label slightly changed. You really don’t need to examine every single one in every single truck stop. A 12-hour drive can quickly become an 18-hour one based on the length of the pit stops.
All of the trash in the vehicle should be dumped at each stop. There is no need to hoard the trash for the final destination. Saving trash of any kind in the vehicle is unsanitary. If you are concerned with saving bottles, use a re-usable container rather than saving pop or water bottles. One reusable water bottle and one reusable hot drink container is not only more sanitary, but it’s more economical and takes up less space.
4. At the convention.
When sharing a room with others, you should endeavor to be neat and tidy. Even if your things aren’t kept in your luggage, they should stay within a designated area. This prevents your roommates from tripping on things and prevents you from leaving things behind. It’s also easier for you to find the things you want, when you want them. That quick dash to the room for a specific book or prop really is just a quick dash.
If the group plans to do something together, the travel leader/coordinator should establish a meeting place and time. Everyone should be at the designated location on time. If you are not going to participate in the group activity, notify the travel leader/coordinator. Again, we’re back to the cat herding issue.
When there isn’t a planned group activity, entertain yourself. Most conventions have plenty to do. If you find yourself with a con babe or stud, don’t spring your newfound partner on your roommates. Nobody wants to randomly walk in on or wake up to his or her roommate having sex. Period. If you are going to imbibe in an adult beverage or two, notify your roommates in advance. This will allow them to keep an eye out for you and your safety. Along with this, don’t get so intoxicated that you are getting sick in the room.
Don’t buy any excessively large or a large number of souvenirs without consulting with your companions. If the item too big, or there too many, for the vehicle be prepared to ship it. If you can’t afford to ship it, don’t buy it. You can’t expect your friends to sacrifice their comfort or ability to get their own souvenirs for your need to have a huge item or to take all 50 of those impossible to find in your hometown items with you. In general, your souvenirs should fit in the original luggage that you brought with you.
When preparing to leave the convention, pack the night before you hit the road. This prevents last minute scrambling and makes it easier to verify that you have all of your stuff. When you pack ahead, the morning checkout process becomes easy and you get on the road on time.
5. In closing.
HAVE FUN! If you find yourself not having fun more often than not on such trips, maybe it’s something you should look at not doing in the future.
1. Pre-trip plans and the ugly issue of money.
Don’t plan trips you can’t afford. Yes, it sucks to watch your friends do fun things and be stuck at home with nothing but the soft glow of the computer monitor for company. I’ve been there, I know. Unfortunately, unless we want to be homeless, starve or live in squalor, we have to be responsible adults. If you are seriously debating between paying a bill and going to the convention, pay the damn bill. There will always be another convention.
Don’t commit to a convention that you are real iffy about being able to attend, only to drop out of the trip at the last minute. You should know at least one month in advance if you can go on the trip. If you commit to a trip, your friends will be budgeting based on you paying your share of fuel and lodgings. Dropping out closer to the trip than one month out is inconsiderate of your friends and their need to budget. Sometimes, all it takes is one last minute drop out to make the trip impossible for the entire group. Instead of committing to the iffy trip, hoard the money for a later convention.
This one shouldn’t even have to be said, but here it is. If your friends have been kind enough to help with your finances on the trip, don’t abuse it. Don’t use the slack to overspend your own money and then ask your friends to help beyond what they committed to before the trip. When they are covering your meals, don’t order anything more expensive than what they order for themselves. This is not the time to go for the surf-n-turf. A burger is just as filling.
2. Packing the vehicle.
Don’t pack enough for a major wilderness expedition. You are not leaving known civilization. You are going to a convention, in a hotel, with restaurants and convenience stores nearby. Most trips have a travel leader or coordinator. This individual will look at available space in the vehicle and determine how much luggage each person is allowed. Stick to this amount of stuff and don’t try to wheedle more space. Munchies DO count against your allotted space. If you need a special item for the trip, look at dropping the unnecessary stuff to make room for it. Nobody needs more costumes than days of the trip or enough munchies to feed twice the number of people in the vehicle. If too much is packed, there are things crammed in all crannies and even under foot. This makes everyone in the vehicle uncomfortable.
Don’t pack a lot of open containers and loose items. This does nothing but create chaos and a mess. Nobody wants your crumbs or leaky drink sitting on their electronics or guitar. Make sure all of your drinks and munchies seal tight and are in bags that zip, snap or Velcro closed. Keeping your munchies contained will help you to find the things you want later. If you have a half eaten package of cookies or bag of chips and want to bring it, put them in a Ziploc bag. This will keep them from becoming a mess inside their bag. Any munchies or drinks taken on the trip should have minimal odor. What may smell great to you may be nauseating to your companions.
If you have a small item (book, e-reader, notepad, iPod, knitting, etc.) that you intend on using while on the road, keep it with you. Your heavier luggage will always be packed at the bottom of the pile and forcing a complete re-pack of all of the luggage mid-trip is rude. Don’t insist on your things being on top. The vehicle owner and travel leader/coordinator will pack the luggage into the vehicle for most efficient usage of space, not ease of access to packed things.
Hygiene, hygiene, hygiene… Make sure you, your luggage and your clothing is clean. You will be in very close proximity for a very log time. If you smoke, air out and fabreeze everything you bring. Not everyone wants to smell your habit and they don’t want their things to smell like your habit. If you have pets, use a lint roller on everything you bring. Some people are allergic enough to your beloved family member to react even to the fuzz on your luggage. Shower regularly and please for the love of all that is holy, don’t wear the same stinky costume for the entire trip. Its awesomeness is greatly reduced by its odiferousness.
Last but not least, the only baggage that should come on a trip is the luggage. Leave your foul moods and drama at home. If you find yourself unexpectedly in a foul mood, behave. Don’t snap at your friends or be passive aggressive with them. You don’t have to be all smiles, but be polite and keep your drama to yourself.
3. On the road.
The travel leader/coordinator should set a specific rendezvous time for leaving. Be on time! I can’t stress this more. Don’t force your friends to cat herd. Travel times are very important. Leaving on time can make a huge difference in the total amount of time on the road. It can make the difference between whether you hit rush hour or you don’t.
While on the road, gas and pee stops should not become expeditions. Every truck stop has a variety of the same chochkies with the label slightly changed. You really don’t need to examine every single one in every single truck stop. A 12-hour drive can quickly become an 18-hour one based on the length of the pit stops.
All of the trash in the vehicle should be dumped at each stop. There is no need to hoard the trash for the final destination. Saving trash of any kind in the vehicle is unsanitary. If you are concerned with saving bottles, use a re-usable container rather than saving pop or water bottles. One reusable water bottle and one reusable hot drink container is not only more sanitary, but it’s more economical and takes up less space.
4. At the convention.
When sharing a room with others, you should endeavor to be neat and tidy. Even if your things aren’t kept in your luggage, they should stay within a designated area. This prevents your roommates from tripping on things and prevents you from leaving things behind. It’s also easier for you to find the things you want, when you want them. That quick dash to the room for a specific book or prop really is just a quick dash.
If the group plans to do something together, the travel leader/coordinator should establish a meeting place and time. Everyone should be at the designated location on time. If you are not going to participate in the group activity, notify the travel leader/coordinator. Again, we’re back to the cat herding issue.
When there isn’t a planned group activity, entertain yourself. Most conventions have plenty to do. If you find yourself with a con babe or stud, don’t spring your newfound partner on your roommates. Nobody wants to randomly walk in on or wake up to his or her roommate having sex. Period. If you are going to imbibe in an adult beverage or two, notify your roommates in advance. This will allow them to keep an eye out for you and your safety. Along with this, don’t get so intoxicated that you are getting sick in the room.
Don’t buy any excessively large or a large number of souvenirs without consulting with your companions. If the item too big, or there too many, for the vehicle be prepared to ship it. If you can’t afford to ship it, don’t buy it. You can’t expect your friends to sacrifice their comfort or ability to get their own souvenirs for your need to have a huge item or to take all 50 of those impossible to find in your hometown items with you. In general, your souvenirs should fit in the original luggage that you brought with you.
When preparing to leave the convention, pack the night before you hit the road. This prevents last minute scrambling and makes it easier to verify that you have all of your stuff. When you pack ahead, the morning checkout process becomes easy and you get on the road on time.
5. In closing.
HAVE FUN! If you find yourself not having fun more often than not on such trips, maybe it’s something you should look at not doing in the future.
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